So i was just thinking today…wow.

Can you believe it’s almost been 10yrs since I graduated high school?? I mean i’m not saying it feels like just yesterday because honestly it doesnt but I am seriously shocked by how…old i feel.

(but seriously though, 26 is not that old at all, I mean contrary to belief, cough cough koreans cough cough, i haven’t expired i.e i am not too old to find someone and get married destined to be forever alone lol- or so I tell myself lol)

so obviously there has been tons of changes since 10 years ago, as 10 years ago would have me at 16 years old and super angst-y and what not so I decided to make a list of what exactly has changed:

-i no longer think i’m smart or talented

when i was in high school, i was, hmmm how should i put this, super sure of myself?? Well at least in my intellectual prowess. 10 years ago to today would have placed me in the middle of the second marking period of my junior year in high school. I was acing all of my classes, my SAT results were better then expected and my pretentious teenager self carried around copies of the New York Times like a proud badge of  I don’t know, cultured-ness?

Life was stressful-by this time I was in all honors and Physics and Pre-Calculus would have me pulling my hair out (quite literally too, might I add, I developed trichotillomania while in high school) but it was ok because obviously I am the smartest girl in my US History II class and my English Literature II essays and papers were en pointe.

Man a while back I found a stash of my old high school papers and looking at all the multiple syllable words and highfalutin sentence structures gave me a migraine, no joke. And boy did I love flowery fancy adjectives. I mean everything was described to an inch of it’s life- i.e golden bronzed sun-kissed skin with a dappling of freckles sprinkled across the strong cheek bones and chiseled nose…

GOSH. SO PRETENTIOUS. I can’t even stand it lol

And as a testament to my supreme confidence in my skillz lol i had both a deviantart and a fanfiction.net account- I was an artist and a writer you know?? OH GOD. I am cringing!!

(And those accounts will never be mentioned again-or maybe they will lol because well Digimon just announced a reboot of the original digidestined which means-you know what?? NVM, I’ll get to it later lol)

nowadays, i consider myself to be of about average intelligence or maybe even slightly below average intelligence to be fair. I mean i spend all my off hours watching dumb (and they are seriously mind-numbingly dumb) videos on youtube. For like HOURS.

The only current events I keep abreast of are the only ones buzzfeed and cracked mentions in their articles which is pretty sad. 🙁

My vocabulary has been significantly depleted-its true, you know, what they say of the brain- if you don’t use it you lose it. And heaven forbid, should i ever see another calculus equation or physics theorem that would have been relatively “easy” in high school it would give me heart burn from the stress. Honestly. I seriously doubt i would even be able to solve a basic algebra equation. And if I had to write a research paper??

I’d rather just poke myself in the eyes. Yeah. That way I wouldn’t be able to read or see anything and I would legit not be able to write a paper ha.ha.ha.

But seriously.

Recently, I got tired of being lazy- i mean i was miss super overachiever in high school, always on the run or doing something productive, no matter how cringe inducing said activity was- i.e mimato fanart, marvel fanart, fanfic writing…etc.

so i tried to draw. keyword being “tried” lol

It was pathetic to say the least. And while i must say, my writing may have gotten less pretentious and more precise (nursing documentation and charting has a way of condensing anyone’s writing faster than you can say “unpaid overtime”) i no longer have the patience to actually sit down and type up another “brilliant” story-er- fanfic.

-i dont have crazy emotions like i used to have

THIS I am thankful for. boy was i ANGSTY. everything was about the angst, i was mopey, cynical, weepy- although again, thankfully, this was all in the relative safety of my bedroom, with the door shut, stereo playing punk rock and screamo or Ashanti era hip-hop/rap.

(and all of it downloaded illegally from kazaa, limewire…etc)

And er, the statement about being a writer and artist- yeah a lot of it was super angst-y fairy/anime inspired garbage that will immediately go straight into my industrial paper shredder should I happen to discover any that survived the Great Move of 2012.

And while to my family and friends I was generally a happy and friendly teenager, inside I would contemplate suicide and death ALL THE TIME.

(Which is, now that I’m reflecting on it, pretty alarming, like maybe I should have consulted someone??)

I am just super thankful I was a witness because honestly the only thing I think that really helped me through this crazy puberty emotional rollercoaster was my daily Bible reading schedule and praying.

No joke. I do not even want to know how I would have turned out if I wasn’t one of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

-i am a lot more image conscious

Huh. Well this is a funny one.

I was a tomboy for most of my life-not in the sense that I would play sports and hang out with the guys because sports and I are not on good terms AT ALL- but in the sense that i did not care AT ALL of my physical appearance and if I did apparently I didn’t care enough to make an effort.

And my interests were pretty boy-ish (don’t care if I’m gender typing, this is my blog): Comics (anime and marvel), video games, skating, sci-fi although to be fair i was pretty girly too, like i liked to read and dance and was pretty into kpop and boybands lol

in fact the situation of my appearance was so dire that many, many korean sisters (as is their custom) would try so many “interventions” like: get magic straight, put on some make up, get some presentable clothes, go on a diet, wax/shave…etc and the list goes on and on.

This continued on until i was in college then my dad opened a women’s clothing store and it was like i was a completely new person.

In the span of college, i underwent a major transformation from plain no frills girl to super girly frivolous girl all in the span of 4 years.

Seriously, no one from high school recognizes me anymore haha.

(eh don’t know if that’s a good thing, actually.) -__-

And well now…lets just say now i won’t leave the house without makeup or sunglasses. true story.

-type of boys i like-DRASTICALLY different

so this is actually kinda super embarrassing but eh whatever, at this point everything is being bared, besides, this is for me, to read when i’m old and no longer remember even these details so here goes:

I was in love with juvenile delinquents.

No joke.

Jonathan Ackley. Will Concho. Mike Oh. James Cho.

But mostly Jonathan Ackley.

Gosh, what was I thinking???

Well to be fair, at the time, the hip-hop look was super popular and everyone dressed like gangstaz. or wangstaz if you were a wannabe gangster lol

And! for some reason i was super into FOBs lolol (which explains the James Cho crush and eventually SungMin oppa who will always and forever be the first JW crush I’d ever have)

but yeah, the more baggier their pants the bigger the crush lol!

(JAckley was pretty cute face-wise though, he was half English/Hispanic and even though he had a habit of bringing weapons to school i thought the world of him-mind you i was 13!!!)

um yeah. I guess it goes without saying my standards have um…gotten higher??

Certainly much higher than juvenile delinquents who get suspended from school for carrying weapons- heck, i bet if i met my former crushes on the street, they’d make me shudder lol.

Nowadays I have a pretty high standard that i’d like to adhere to, like for one, an upstanding JW brother with an awesome reputation, kind, smart, funny, attractive and stylish with a pretty defined goal-a driven charismatic and pragmatic kind of guy.

yup, i’ve come a long way haha.

(er, now to go find one lol!)

-tastes in clothes-goes without saying lol

yeah, have i mentioned i used to be a major tomboy??

obviously back then, my idea of designer clothes consisted of seven jeans and lacoste polo tees and abercrombie&fitch-umm yeah pretty consistent with teenagers back in the 2000s.

And of course who can forget, roca wear, baby phat, lady enyce, jenkos,  nike sneakers/converse

(although i got to say, even back then, Dolce and Gabbana and Balenciaga were my favs, funny that i even knew what they were! but hey, i guess even my tomboy self couldn’t deny the genius of nicholas ghesquiere’s moto bag-loved the tassels! and the fancy appeal of D&G perfume since even when i was a tomboy fragrance was something i’ve always highly regarded)

and i used to decry louis vuitton, prada, coach, uggs-all of those things i’d say were for sheeple who only bought plastic coated canvas lined with untreated leather, nylon bags with small metal plaques, and even worse a bag monogrammed with the company’s name/logo JUST for brand recognition despite the exorbitant prices.

well…

i actually have nothing to say for myself.

I guess now that i can work and earn my own money, i feel i can buy those luxury items because that’s exactly what they are- luxury items.

(my collection is now quite hefty…i’m looking at 4 Chanels, 6 Celines, 4 LV and…around 15 Balenciagas in my lifetime-some have gone on to new mommies however 🙂 and this is not even mentioning my collection of balenciaga moto jackets and leather jackets in general)

what??

I just super appreciate fine grain leathers.

Like, really, really, really appreciate fine leather.

But er, yeah not super proud of that.

I can get live without those bags, I can!! I promise!! Honest!

AAAANNNDD lets end part 1 of 2004-2014 at this point. lol

I’m tired.

Darn my current lazy self!

:*(

well.

oh! and i have to update about my weekend at patterson on 12/6-7 and family night 2014! 🙂

xoxo