FATE by SOHYANG

OMG

HORRIBLE NEWS!

Chung CE (the sweet little girl i used to babysit with her brother, they used to live in leonia? yeah, that little one) was DISFELLOWSHIPPED!

OMG I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT. well maybe i can, just a little bit.

(she was super, super, super flirty, like with even much older men, i.e. S Y, i mean seriously?? he’s like no joke 10yrs older than you!!)

but err yeah. it was for fornication :0

with an older married man :O

sigh.

that’s just super depressing. like seriously depressing.

she’s like 18? 19 at most?

what is a little girl like her getting all mixed up with a married older man of all things?! she must be out of her mind, i feel so badly for her parents.

Her mom was pretty strict, too. but i guess not strict enough?

Hmmm…what was i doing at 18/19?

Whelp. I can’t say i didn’t have strong feelings then either, because, ahem, it was at those years that i fell hard for R. Looney and A. Navarro but still.

I’m super thankful i was able to get over that hurdle. It must have been an answer to my prayer that LOONEY transferred to Stony Brook University in LI and met M. And what do you know? he’s getting married to her-or are they already married??

(can you believe he got engaged at the very same day as my JAF?! how crazy is that?! that date-it was some stupid saturday in october-is the worst day of my personal adult life lol although i suppose i should be pretty thankful that my worst day is still pretty lame haha but if you want to talk about career worst days ever, there are quite a few. oh wait, actually i take that back, my car accidents were pretty bad too. oh and that day when i saw the two of them together while working in bethel? hmmmm)

But thankfully, i’m able to get over people pretty quickly, like even now, when I think of JAF, it’s just embarrassing mostly, with no lingering sense of regret, no what-ifs.

Looney however, i’m still nostalgic about but i think mostly it’s because i was so young then and i mostly am nostalgic about my youth. i feel like it went by so, so quickly and it was an intense period of my life when there were so many changes and transitions and the FEELS-oh the feels!

Now that i’m 27-gasp! i turned 27 2 weeks ago already!-my feels are much more manageable.but i must say, on rainy days and during the winter, i get quite moody.

Also, i suppose, it helps that i have these crushes on my friends. those i have quite frequently, and they come and go, like the women talking of michelangelo (its a reference to the love song of j. alfred prufrock-a poem by t.s. eliot)

(i love t.s.eliot. i think he’s brilliant. i love his precise wording, his exact vocabulary to paint a vivid picture with words-brilliant! my favorite poet is probably t.s. eliot although sonnet 18 by shakespeare is the one poem that i can still recite word for word-no joke!)

(oh and my lack of capitalization, proper grammar and punctuation? that i’m going to blame on emulating another of the great poets, e.e. cummings! but eh, mostly, it’s because i’m lazy and i can’t be bothered, ha!)

in fact, shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? thou art more lovely and more temperate. rough winds do shake the darling buds of may and summer’s lease hath all too short a date.

But really, you are more like william carlos williams’ red wheelbarrow. without punctuation, fluid, painting a vivid picture yet remaining so ambiguous. what do you feel? what are you thinking? much like exactly what does so much depend upon, on such a simple thing as a glazed red wheelbarrow besides white chickens?

And OMG, can’t believe i still remember that. seriously. that was from high school. like, almost a decade ago.

a decade.

that’s a lifetime for some people. like legit, a lifetime. like if a 10 year old child passed away tragically at 10 years of age, who are we to deny that his life, short as it was, wasn’t a lifetime?

eh. this is depressing me. well. i guess it’s a depressing sort of day.

so, my dear red wheelbarrow (you were dashing in that cheery red coat!) what exactly are you thinking? who are you with? what thrills you?

Most importantly, who do you find yourself thinking of?

till next time, dearly beloved

xoxo

OMG. I am so, so, so sorry!!

I can’t believe I let the whole month of March go by without a single post!

Well, I guess you can imagine how busy I was that I’d let it go without updating.

But in a way, I’ve been writing a whole lot more than ever before- recently i started writing fiction again and it’s been really helping me cope with stress, lol

And well, hopefully I will be able to get more regular with updating here, as you know, this is my life and I’d want a record of it, if its only for myself, you know?

GAHH! Well. March was pretty, eventful although now that I try to think back on it, I can’t really seem to remember most of it. Let’s see..

we had the memorial campaign! 🙂 Campaigns are always, always fun and I was able to do quite a bit of service! And I got to know K and L G who is a pair of mother/daughter sisters that recently joined our hall- by recently i mean in the last 6 months lol! And they are so sweet, very encouraging and they are in our service group! 🙂

we had RC’s goodbye party and this time he really left for good haha. well, he’s already at the korean branch so I take it he’s really, truly left.

we had our dahui and i got to take H from Korea with me and she was kind of a buffer but not quite lol but it was lovely having her with me! And also after the dahui i took her and my sisters and her cousins out for dinner and a drive around the NYC skyline

And then we had our CO visit! that was pretty fun too, and it was on the same week as our memorial! we had a 101 in attendance and it was my first ever Chinese Memorial and it was so nice, so many studies and visitors! (although grandma apparently was upset i wasn’t at the korean one so next year, i’m going back to korean ahahaha)

Service all day on Friday, followed by a most encouraging pioneer talk on saturday and another full day of service on sunday! (although i was pretty tired and it was evidenced by my forming a HORRIBLE rash all over my body-Dr. Lee said it was allergic but still.)

Oh and I had my wisdom teeth taken out. ugh. 2 on 3/23/2015 and another 2 on 4/6/2015. Talk about a horrible experience (the 1st time around, the 2nd time wasn’t too bad lol)

And that about sums my March. Most of my free time was writing fanfiction lol!

And yest, I went to A’s house for speaker hospitality and that was nice, i was able to get to see some people that i hadn’t seen in a while, like V and A D and K W 🙂 After A’s house, I was invited to J D’s house for dinner and OMG it was the nicest dinner that I’ve ever been to, so formal with all this wonderful cutlery and courses and OMG the food!

The food was fantastic! And we played these card games- so stinking fun! The time just flew by. Of course the company was ah-maz-ing! It was my 2 fav people in all of morris- R R and J D (of course lol!) and C J (he had to leave a little early), QA (another of my fav people!), TJ K (I’ve only just met him but he seems like a sweetheart!) and Z err don’t know his last name lol!!!

Let me just say, UNO can get pretty intense. As well as the other card game- nets? Necks? something like that.

And now… well i’m really tired these days. :T

IT’S 70 DEGREES TODAY!! WOOHOO!! FINALLY!

Can’t wait, omg this winter went on forever!

But now it’s finally over. I think.

lol. i don’t know how i made the font above so big but eh, w/e.

dearest. 

i can’t stop thinking of you recently and it’s really taking all the restraint i have to keep from marching up to you and confessing. as much as i’d like to know for sure how you really feel, the fear of rejection is even stronger so i shall remain a secret admirer, watching from afar. like a creeper ha!

or not.

well, best to you, my love.