FATE by SOHYANG

OMG

HORRIBLE NEWS!

Chung CE (the sweet little girl i used to babysit with her brother, they used to live in leonia? yeah, that little one) was DISFELLOWSHIPPED!

OMG I CAN’T EVEN BELIEVE IT. well maybe i can, just a little bit.

(she was super, super, super flirty, like with even much older men, i.e. S Y, i mean seriously?? he’s like no joke 10yrs older than you!!)

but err yeah. it was for fornication :0

with an older married man :O

sigh.

that’s just super depressing. like seriously depressing.

she’s like 18? 19 at most?

what is a little girl like her getting all mixed up with a married older man of all things?! she must be out of her mind, i feel so badly for her parents.

Her mom was pretty strict, too. but i guess not strict enough?

Hmmm…what was i doing at 18/19?

Whelp. I can’t say i didn’t have strong feelings then either, because, ahem, it was at those years that i fell hard for R. Looney and A. Navarro but still.

I’m super thankful i was able to get over that hurdle. It must have been an answer to my prayer that LOONEY transferred to Stony Brook University in LI and met M. And what do you know? he’s getting married to her-or are they already married??

(can you believe he got engaged at the very same day as my JAF?! how crazy is that?! that date-it was some stupid saturday in october-is the worst day of my personal adult life lol although i suppose i should be pretty thankful that my worst day is still pretty lame haha but if you want to talk about career worst days ever, there are quite a few. oh wait, actually i take that back, my car accidents were pretty bad too. oh and that day when i saw the two of them together while working in bethel? hmmmm)

But thankfully, i’m able to get over people pretty quickly, like even now, when I think of JAF, it’s just embarrassing mostly, with no lingering sense of regret, no what-ifs.

Looney however, i’m still nostalgic about but i think mostly it’s because i was so young then and i mostly am nostalgic about my youth. i feel like it went by so, so quickly and it was an intense period of my life when there were so many changes and transitions and the FEELS-oh the feels!

Now that i’m 27-gasp! i turned 27 2 weeks ago already!-my feels are much more manageable.but i must say, on rainy days and during the winter, i get quite moody.

Also, i suppose, it helps that i have these crushes on my friends. those i have quite frequently, and they come and go, like the women talking of michelangelo (its a reference to the love song of j. alfred prufrock-a poem by t.s. eliot)

(i love t.s.eliot. i think he’s brilliant. i love his precise wording, his exact vocabulary to paint a vivid picture with words-brilliant! my favorite poet is probably t.s. eliot although sonnet 18 by shakespeare is the one poem that i can still recite word for word-no joke!)

(oh and my lack of capitalization, proper grammar and punctuation? that i’m going to blame on emulating another of the great poets, e.e. cummings! but eh, mostly, it’s because i’m lazy and i can’t be bothered, ha!)

in fact, shall i compare thee to a summer’s day? thou art more lovely and more temperate. rough winds do shake the darling buds of may and summer’s lease hath all too short a date.

But really, you are more like william carlos williams’ red wheelbarrow. without punctuation, fluid, painting a vivid picture yet remaining so ambiguous. what do you feel? what are you thinking? much like exactly what does so much depend upon, on such a simple thing as a glazed red wheelbarrow besides white chickens?

And OMG, can’t believe i still remember that. seriously. that was from high school. like, almost a decade ago.

a decade.

that’s a lifetime for some people. like legit, a lifetime. like if a 10 year old child passed away tragically at 10 years of age, who are we to deny that his life, short as it was, wasn’t a lifetime?

eh. this is depressing me. well. i guess it’s a depressing sort of day.

so, my dear red wheelbarrow (you were dashing in that cheery red coat!) what exactly are you thinking? who are you with? what thrills you?

Most importantly, who do you find yourself thinking of?

till next time, dearly beloved

xoxo